Category: What Is Grief/Grieving


Rainbow Babies

Found this definition of Rainbow Babies and I wanted to share with you guys… Have you heard the term? Rainbow babies are babies that are born after the loss of a child. But, I found a better definition : Rainbow Babies” is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn’t mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.

Almost There

So it’s 8 days away until the worst most painful day of my life. I don’t really know what to say at this moment because every day it’s gotten closer the more and more depressed and anxious I’ve been getting. I wish I could tell everyone it’s been easy but it’s been excruciating to watch the days tick down to this awful day.

Each day I long to hold him in my arms more and more, the pain rarely subsides and leaves me in peace. Almost a year after I sit here and feel like a horrible mother because I can remember holding him and loving him but I don’t remember what it feels like, my arms have been empty far too long. Honestly I can’t remember much from the time Nickolas was born until the day he died, I remember the events but the actual time together is a blur. I sit here night after night wondering if it would be best for me to join him because I don’t feel complete and I am definitely not myself anymore.

In my year’s journey through grief I have found that although people always say it’ll get better, they don’t really understand what it does to you. Even though I don’t do anything all day my grief exhausts me to the point where I feel like I’ve been working 12hr shifts every day. Even when I’m up and out I still get sidetracked and end up thinking about my great loss.

Any who I’ve got a lot to think about before next week, so I think this is enough for the day.

My sister wrote this for Nick today :)…

For a Special Nephew

A year has passed already
I wish I heard a sound
I know I should be smiling
But upon my face there’s a frown

The first time I saw your smile
I thought I heard a “ding”
But then the day came
When you would last hear us sing

If you were still here we would watch movies
I’d play with you all day
And if I heard you cry
I would you wipe your tears away

When you got older I would let you ride my bike
I’d help you practice Martial Arts
I would read you lots of bedtime stories
And just to make you laugh, I’d let you hear my farts

But before that came you were taken away
And now we have to start
Just thinking of the memories
That we keep within our hearts

Every day I think of you
And how you are not here
But I’ll always remember
That you are always near

Although you are not here today
Your name makes us know
That we all love and miss you Nick
And it’s hard to let you go!

Happy Birthday to the best nephew in the world! I love you with all my heart and I miss you so much.

Love Ashlee

Stages Of Grief

I found this through my journey I can’t remember where I printed it out…

THE STAGES OF GRIEF
The work of grief cannot be hurried. It takes a great deal of time, usually a year
or more. It may be the purest pain you have ever known.
The following are stages of grief that are commonly experienced after a loss. You
may not experience all of these, and you may not experience them in this order. It
is important to realize, however, that what you are feeling is natural and that, with
time, you will heal.
Shock
Some people experience shock after a loss, saying things like “I feel numb” and
displaying no tears or emotions. Sometimes there is denial. Gradually the
bereaved become aware of what has happened, and they are able to express their
emotions. Other people never go through a prolonged stage of shock. They are
able to express emotions immediately.
Emotional Release
At some point a person begins to feel and to hurt. It is very important not to
suppress your feelings. Suppressed feelings often surface at a later time in
unhealthy ways. Shared feelings are a gift, and bring a closeness to all involved.
Preoccupation with the Deceased or the Crisis
Despite efforts to think of other things, a grieving person may find it difficult to
shift his/her mind from thoughts about the deceased person. This is not unusual
and, with time, should not be a problem.
Symptoms of Some Physical and Emotional Distress
These distresses may come in waves. The most common physical distresses are:
• Sleeplessness
• Tightness in the throat
• A choking feeling
• Shortness of breath
• Deep sighing
• An empty hollow feeling in the stomach
• Lack of muscular power (“It’s almost impossible to climb stairs” or
“everything I lift seems heavy”)
• Digestive symptoms and poor appetite

Closely associated with the physical distresses may be certain emotional
alternations, the most common of which are:
• A slight sense of unreality
• Feelings of emotional distance from people – that no one really cares or
understands
• Sometimes people appear shadowy or very small
• Sometimes there are feelings of panic, thoughts of self-destruction, or the
desire to run away or “chuck it all”
These emotional disturbances can cause many people to feel they are approaching
insanity, but these feelings are actually quite normal.
Hostile Reactions
You may catch yourself responding with a great deal of anger to situations that
previously would not have bothered you. The feelings can be surprising and very
uncomfortable. They often make people feel that they are going crazy. Anger can
be directed at the doctor, the nurse, God, sometimes even at your loved one who
died.
Often, there may be feelings of hurt or hostility toward family members who do
not or, for various reasons cannot, provide the emotional support the grieving
person may have expected from them. Anger and hostility are normal. Do not
suppress your anger. However, it is important that you understand and direct your
anger towards what you are really angry at, namely the loss of someone you
loved.
Guilt
There is almost always some sense of guilt in grief. The bereaved think of the
many things they felt they could have done, but didn’t. They accuse themselves of
negligence. These hurts pop up in grief. Guilt is normal and should pass with
time.
Depression
Many grieving people feel total despair, unbearable loneliness and hopelessness;
nothing seems worthwhile. These feelings may be even more intense for those
who live alone or who have little family. These feelings are normal and should
also pass with time.
Withdrawal
The grieving person often tends to withdraw from social relationships. Their daily
routines are often disrupted as well. Life seems like a bad dream. This is normal
and will take some effort to overcome, but the rewards are worthwhile.
Resolution and Readjustment
This comes gradually. The memories are still there, the love is still there, but the
wound begins to heal. You begin to get on with life. It’s hard to believe now, but
you will feel better. By experiencing deep emotion

Myths and Facts About Grief

MYTH: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.

Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.

MYTH: It’s important to be “be strong” in the face of loss.

Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.

MYTH: If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.

Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.

MYTH: Grief should last about a year.

Fact: There is no right or wrong time frame for grieving. How long it takes can differ from person to person.

Source: Center for Grief and Healing

Because grief has to do with feelings, it’s primarily an emotional response, and emotions, by their very nature, are often quite volatile and unpredictable. The emotions associated with grief, such as anger, sadness, and fear, are the ones we generally consider negative, and as a result, we do everything we can to avoid them. To be bunt, grief, by its very nature, is painful, and the grief that arises from a great loss can often – too often – be excruciating.

Grief

–noun

1.

keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.
2.

a cause or occasion of keen distress or sorrow.
Unfortunately the dictionary can’t express the intense feelings one feels when grieving. It can’t see the pain in your eyes, or the feeling of emptiness. The hours of crying or scream for the pain to just stop or the wishing that you could turn back time and have your loved one back. Nothing or no one will ever really be able to explain grief properly, especially when it’s different in every person.
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