For a more in-depth look at Nickolas’ story please feel free to go look at the post “Happy Birthday Nick”.

Nickolas Michael Walker

May 23rd, 2009 – July 30th, 2009

~ Forever Young & In Our Hearts ~

Nickolas Michael Walker was born on Saturday May 23rd, 2009 at Sudbury General Hospital. He was born at 11:21am weighing 7 lbs right on and measuring 20 inches born by Caesarean Section. When Nickolas was brought into this world he wasn’t breathing, the surgical team attempted for 3 minutes to resuscitate him. That wasn’t enough so they were forced to insert an intubation tube to keep him alive. At first the doctors thought he had a condition called Pulmonary Hypoplasia so they gave him a steroid to make his lungs grow. Three days went by with all these talks about under developed lungs and different reason’s why Nickolas wasn’t breathing on his own. Finally a sensible doctor sought out help that they could not give Nickolas at the Sudbury General. Alas Nick would be air-lifted on Tuesday May 26th, 2009 to the Hospital For Sick Children in Toronto, Ontario.

Nickolas was at Sick Kids for 3 days before we were able to make the funds to get down there seeing as no one was allowed to go in the transport vehicle with him. We arrived there on May 29th at 10pm, Nick was very pleased to see us. We hadn’t been there 12hrs  and the hospital called us at 7am to tell us the doctor wanted to talk to us. May 30th, 2009 my heart stopped, the doctors sat us down and told us that Nickolas spinal cord was being crushed by his spine, there was no name for this nor had they ever seen it in a baby, the only thing they could tell us was that he could die at any moment. They quickly put up signs all over the place reading “DO NOT MOVE THIS BABY”. They said that at the point where the compression was taking place also caused the inability to breath and move because it was being crushed exactly where the brain tells the body to do these actions.

For the rest of the month they did more tests and scans and came up with the only conclusion that they could do surgery but it would have one of three outcomes:

  1. He would die while being sent to OR or on the operating table.
  2. He would survive but it wouldn’t do anything to help him.
  3. He would survive and he would get his movement and breathing back.

They weren’t really to keen on the third option saying that he would always be a vegetable. They wanted us to put him in palliative care and take life support out and make him comfortable for the rest of how ever long he would live. As a mother I knew I had to give my son a fighting chance in life and I was determined to do everything in my power to save him! For 5 days I argued with the doctors to do the surgery because everyone deserves a chance, I reassured them I knew the risks and if he was destined to die on the operating table then at least I tried and did my best to give my son what he deserved in life. Finally on June 5th, 2009 they prepared Nickolas for a groundbreaking never done before surgery (or pioneer surgery as the doctors called it) that would hopefully “cure” my son of this ailment.

Well Nick made it through the surgery, they removed the compression and took 2 of his ribs and placed them as “struts” in his neck. After 2 months of waiting to see if he would regain his skills there was no improvement in his condition at all. It was mutually decided between my partner and I that it was best for Nickolas to be laid to rest in heaven. He was to be air-lifted back to Sudbury and have life support removed and given small doses of morphine to ease the pain. On July 28th, 2009 Nickolas arrived back at the hospital his life began at and would end at. We had him baptised the next day with friends and family all around, giving him the love and support he needed.

On July 30th, 2009 surrounded by the people who loved him the most the life support was withdrawn. The tube was removed and the morphine was administered. Seeing as Nickolas couldn’t breathe every breath he took was a struggle for life. We spent the next couple hours singing to him and reading him stories. He received lots of hugs and kisses and was cuddle, and for first the first time since he was born I got to hold my little miracle baby, just me and him in a moment that I wished could last for the rest of my life. Nickolas took his last breaths in my arms and as his heart slowed down and all life flooded out of him my heart ceased to beat the same way ever again. My whole life lay limp and unresponsive in my arms and my world caved in on me and it was at that moment that I knew that I would never look into those sweet eyes ever again, kiss those lips, watch the rise and fall of his chest, or the cute little smiles I got whenever I walked into the room. He passed away at 4:25pm July 30th, 2009 at 2 months 7 days old.

It has been a rough and very tear filled journey, my life still doesn’t have much meaning with him but I have come to learn that the day his life ended mine had just begun and I had gained a set of wings and many valuable lessons in life many of which some people will never attain in their life time. I gained a guardian angel who will watch over me until it is my time to spread my newly acquired wings and take flight to the gates of heaven.