Since Nickolas’ first birthday I’ve been cast into a shadow of grief, it hurls its waves at me leaving no room to breathe in between.  This summer I will be reliving each day like it was happening again and each wound will be reopened and dug even further. I expect to experience a wave of emotions as if I was freshly grieving all over again. Sleepless nights, no appetite and a longing to just crawl into a corner and die.

The memories still haunt me, I wake up frequently drenched in sweat from the nightmares. As his Angelversary approaches I get more and more fearful of how I’m going to react. I know it’s going to be a hard day for me to handle and I’m not looking forward to it at all!

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